These days, get quite some Enya songs from friends. Most of the genre are new age, I quite like it. It sounds special, and could always make my mind and soul infused with some emotions, and thoughts.

     Often I find that life it can be full of miracles, and “surprise”. I think I really want to create some miracles in my life, make it wonderful, make it fruitful. I find that memories, its like a complex network. The recent research come across ‘neural network’, about neurons, and perceptron,  nodes linking together; and a senior explained to me that when we do something special, and we would tend to remember, it becomes, it sends a stronger signal…, compare to something usual, which the signal is weaker, and tends to be forgotten… Back to present, somehow I felt that in my life some unresolved nodes from the past it would have actually “be processed” one day in my brain network.. it’s one miracle.

     Sometimes after watching some movies about time travelling, and seeing some miracle happenings, and touching moments in the movie scenes, it just inspires me much to have a time travelling journey… (only if possible). Yesterday, it’s a history, a lesson, a past; today, now is a “present”, and tomorrow is a wonder… Although life seems very plain with nothing much to do, if we could link up things in long term we would find the meaning of life and everything…. it’s another miracle. It’s just like many events and knowledge and more…. it takes years, and time to develop, and to achieve it…

     Today, here this moment, listening to Enya songs of New Age genre… weather is a bit cold in the November, it’s near the year end. I’m feeling empty here. In the past, I couldn’t do anything, lost also because the emptiness feeling in life, couldn’t stay focus, or concentrate… In fact, now I have realized seeking outer influence to fill up emptiness is temporary. I seems only can find way to fill it up in time, by linking the memories and life experience, moments, and thoughts…. make a goal, for myself…

     *that’s why I like new age music, it infuses some emotions and triggering thinking… besides, it soothes loneliness, and often burn up the passion…

It was ten years ago back in 1999, I’m starting to try on Starcraft which was famous during the time. I was standard six, at the age of 11 not quite understanding the english words in the game.

     It is 10 years later now, year 2009. I’m checking on this game during my Year 3 Semester 1 final exam period. Well, as my computer doesn’t support those new strategy game, so I’m trying some legacy games on this pentium III 866Mhz Laptop.

     The Original Starcraft Terran Campaign, the last level, the Hammer Falls, it was about the escape of Jim Raynor from Arcturus Mengsk (based on my interpretation of the storyline). The mission objective is to destroyed the Ion Cannon in order to successfully escape into space? (so not to be blown by the Cannon). So, what I found is, actually there is several ways to play the game. The orthodox and default way is to defeat all the enemy, thus destroying the cannon, sounds ideal. The quick way is to achieve the goal more aggressively, that’s just aim for the goal! From different points of view, there is no right or wrong way of choosing which to go for, except cheating… (but i’m going to talk about “thinking”).

     I find that usually we could find the weak spot, or so called the opportunity to attack. It just a matter of discovering. In the game, there are “fog of war”, where we can’t see the place that was not discovered, and also the place would be appeared grey out when there is no unit present at the location after a while. Sometimes this stop us from seeing the bigger picture, (it’s the same in life, as we usually live without knowing things and place beyond our observation). Although this give some fears to discover (as unit might be killed by potential enemy or lose of unit) it is actually also to shield ourselves from enemy direct observation. So as in life and also in strategy game, if we dare to explore we could find opportunity. this is really true, guess a simple idea, which sometimes we would easily forget this. This choice to discover and to grow, it’s not sometimes would just come by default, it really requires initiation of oneself.

     Secondly, after finding that there is a quick way to win, even losing my base in the game, which is using Terran Ghost unit to nuke the ion cannon in an invisible condition. (Cloaking). Hence I work towards the idea, while even having my base is attacked by enemy battlecruisers, gathered some Terran Ghost, and making nuclears from my remaining nuclear silo, and keep nuking towards victory. The idea behind is… sometimes we’re really easily diverted from achieving goal in a simple manner. The idea, “keep it simple” tends to be overlooked by glorious victory, which also requires really lots of effort and might potential lose. Which in this case, I can make troops, and units to clear up the white terran base, and claiming victory glorious by sweeping out each and every single unit… but what is the point? Making more casualties, and risk of not achieving the goal, who knows it might be defeated badly, when hard go against hard. so another lesson: Go against the hard, by hitting its weak spot, saved most effort, and most effective.

     Hence, anyway, back to the lesson from what is learnt from strategy game… always think out of the box, just a little bit of observation we might be able to find it, and it is always better to come out with a goal, and try an interesting way to achieve it… ;D

so I have come across this so called formula somewhere from newspaper. It sounds right and thus inspired me to have a thought on this. I wonder if that I’m getting lost, as if I really don’t know how to live a better life as growing older? when we’re young, we have entertainments to thought of, to keep every new day a wonderful day to enjoy, to look for a upcoming new games, new movies, new tv shows, new place to go, and new toys maybe? In short, does that mean as we grow older, we’re facing the loss of freshness ? and Thing are getting less appeal to us?

hypothesis: TRUE ? (based on observation as seeing many old people staying homes with nothing to do, and seeing my parents having their life simpler, and plain, being less interested in many things…) or simply the passion is fading? It seems that as we’re getting used to our lifestyle, becoming a HABIT (which I considered as dangerous), I wonder that most of we would forget to make “changes”, or to innovate. Life, always needs Improvements and Changes, Passion shall burns and burns again from time to time! Life should sparks!

     Talents, there is something comes with us, surely, it’s left for us to discover. We should make good use of it. My talents, I think it’s about innovation, and creation, organization, so I enjoy to build things, to program, to change, revise, and to improve things, as well as to sort my things, reorganizes… and hence I should look for something to do with would derive power from the gifted talent. That’s also what we should be right? Each of us look for things that we “could” do, and “love” to do in this life?

     Passion, sometimes, I admit I always lose the passion, but I think I’m also have understood how to ignite the passion. It was only get ignited when we’re doing the things that we’re enjoy doing it! So to put it simple, isn’t that we should always go for something that where our talents could be applied on? There must be a place, a way, for benefits to the society. I wish, and I hope more charities works would be done, and also more good and great things to come from doing passionate things.

     Attitude, some said, if each letter is given a number, A=1, Z=26, then attitude would sum up 100. Wow, then attitude does really matter in our life? Yes. It determines how we live then, so… I find that when we’re conform to our habits, and which our habits is not really “good” (well I guess we could judge it ourselves), then it’s not helpful to ourselves? I would like to link attitude and habit together, as “setting” as for computing stuff, which define how the stuff will behave in computer sense, attitude will be the “setting” for human ? Which define how we will behave under certain circumstances, and situation… Hence, I think it’s better to spend sometimes, put in some efforts to change my lifestyle then…

     Opportunity, guess this is much left for us to discover only, from the book ‘the secret’ I read, when we’re going to search for something in our life, automatically, “SOMEHOW” it will drive us to see the opportunity, well it may sounds wonder, but it’s actually the potential power that was imbued in ourselves. I think when we have a wish / desire, it would automatically strengthen our senses, and will to go towards our wish / desire, thus sub- consciously it drives us to discover, yes, opportunity; so make a wish today, and start to wish it , emit the will power to manifest it! (surely for the good!)

Firstly our life is limited, the world and the universe is unlimited, so vast, and so huge. It was from an email, I find these are interesting, When you are young, you use your health to chase wealth; when you are old, you use your wealth to buy back health. Ironically, most people lived in that way. Sometimes I’m wondering am I stepping behind the same path. (Based on my current living…). Besides there is no point earning money, but can’t live to spend it, and when we can’t spend it, the money isn’t ours. Lastly, how little a man needs, is how happy he is; and there is no point to work hard for people if we have no time to spend with them.

     One significant symptom is that, there is difficulty in recalling some memories. It seems like memories are fading. It requires some efforts to dig back some old memories. Partially it might be due to improper living lifestyle… When I was young I wasn’t quite understand in Buddha teaching, about the enlightenment and the state of mind and soul to achieve… which it brings long lasting happiness. Now only I realize, as time goes by, the process of aging, and increment in responsibilities in life, and exposure to difficulties; many factors it actually mind corrupting… That may explain why people getting difficult to sleep sounds when getting into adulthood…

     Looks like practice to control our mind, thinking, and to achieve some zen thoughts should be the path of focus by now… and not to ignore the importance of health…

If we can “save” or stored our feeling, and thoughts at a time, in a special capsule, and we can review it in the future for unlimited time, isn’t that great ? That’s one of the purpose that why I’m writing. I just wish to pen down some thoughts and feelings, which I think it’s precious to me. It’s some memories, that help to shape the personality, and made me into what I am. However, in the reality, this is difficult to achieve. I can feel that “feeling, thoughts at a time” could hardly keep in mind for long. Some insights we gain from a past incidents will be just archived somewhere deep in our mind as time goes by. Soon or later, the key to dig the piece of memory will be fading.

     I always find that the meeting of ancestor, or to say the meeting of the past, and future at one time is very meaningful. This is like if we can go back in time to meet our parents which while they’re in the young age, and time before we’re born… Moreover, finding and re-discover something that we’ve lost for years, or something that we found, insights that we gained in the past, or message from the past… All these just so interesting and meaningful, to me.

     In these 20 plus years of experience, I learnt that most of the time, the fruitful outcome  doesn’t come in just one attempt, (there maybe luck) but most of the time, fruitful outcome only comes after several or to innumerable attempts. Something that we expected to get, usually would not be 100% as we expected, more or likely, it just fails as usual, just as if chaos is the norm. What I don’t much expected it just turns out to be in the reality. Sometimes, I’m just torn of living in a idealistic life, or a painful reality where we often don’t get what we want. Or in another word, we don’t really know what we want? back to the old saying, the more effort, and determination poured, the better, the fruitful the outcome will be, certainly it requires time, perseverance, and persistence...

     Me? I wish myself from my future would guide me from the past, and now. I wish I could think out of box, basically that’s to put ourselves out of our current situation, and to examine if there is a surprising move that would give some delights outcome to the situation, for this, we can see it in “chess”, a more advanced thinking…

     Thinking, modify, organize, are perks of being myself all these years. Something that seems like imbued into me long time ago… 

Nothing is impossible as long as we have the motivation.
First we have to move, if we start moving, something will start!  - KR Decade 18&19.

     At least that’s what comes into my mind tonight. For every passing days, maybe we’re living in the chaos… much like not knowing what to do. However, we always feel like want to do something, but not know where to begin. Still we have to make our first move. Perhaps we could follow our intuition, at least the basic thing that seems to fit for the situation.

     Throughout these years, I realize that the only way to keep motivated, is to keep my “memory” and thoughts always. It needs concentration, and focus. I guess I need a principle for my life. Something that I could remember all the time, which I think is “A man is only great when he acts from his passion” by Benjamin Franklin… Sometimes when we put behind the things we’re working on, and to be taken up some time later… it becomes extremely hard to pick up. Just as much as the time needed like how we started it in the beginning… to refresh the lost memories.

     This is the last year of my undergraduate level of studies. I told myself, I have been long not trying hard to understand the subjects that I’m studying… I really wish I could do so… knowing more is a pleasure. I rather consider it as a motivation to study, than taking it as a pain…

     At least, I just wanna improve the quality of life… focus, and live better. For my dear Mooi Lan, I want to wish her forever in the pink of health, and happy always. For my family, I wish them to be same too, healthy, and happy all the time. Let’s say we have jar, we fill it first with golf balls, then there is still spaces for us to fill up with pebbles, and later we could fill up with sand for the gaps in the jar…, and lastly we still can pour in water to further fill up the jar. However, we cannot do it in a reverse order. Thus, it actually depicts life. Family, and Important People, should come first before the other things… to balance out our life is most important than blind pursue of luxuries.

Quartz, has the piezoelectric properties*, discovered by Jacques and Pierre Curie in 1880. The first quartz crystal oscillator was built by Walter G. Cady in 1921. It seems like an interesting material that is also abundant on earth. It is a common thing in timekeeping nowadays – Quartz Clock.

Somehow, I’m fond of clock, watch, and timepieces. It has the mysterious feeling by looking at some special design, unorthodox timekeeping device. Example on the screenshot, is the 2ndGig skin used on Rainmeter, which running on my desktop. It is displaying the time, but in an attractive manner. Looks like collecting some time keeping gadget, devices also becoming one of my hobby. (",)

     Look into the future time, it’s close to graduation, after years of study, and actually what kind of life that I want to pursue? After 20 years plus of living, seems like nothing much was done. A life seems so many things to do, yet for most of the time was wondering what should be done. It seems short, and demanding. the next 10 years ago, should be the time frame to make some achievement in life, make a living, which is much more difficult. and I wonder how many things can we achieve in one year? By looking at my savings, I seem to be quite poor in financial term. Making a living seems like so difficult, especially at this time, expense is always outnumbered income. (fees, food, rental… etc…)

     Thus we have to learn to appreciate the time what we have, make good use of the time… Well, guess I should take the time to sleep now… I slept for hours in the evening until eleven something, somehow it gives me some insights about the importance of time management, and the future…

     How long I have not looked at things around me… I almost forget about I own a blog, where I used to jot down my thoughts. I want to update, and refresh my life, instead of everyday living under the mist of misery, ended did nothing. I remembered my bicycle, that I used to ride, to school, to travel around, to eat “Tong Sui”. I think of my guitar sometimes, I wish I could strum, and I could pluck some nice music out of it. I think of all my belongings, I just want to polish them, upgrade and improve them, put them in place.

     How long I have not looked at myself… I should treat myself better. Let myself deserve some more relax time, empty my chaotic thoughts, and flashback. Treat myself with  consistent at least three meals (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) everyday. I have to let myself have enough sleep, and sleep at the right time, practice sleep early and wake up early. I would like to have some training for myself. I’m feeling myself low in stamina, and weak, I think I’m thin… I need to build up… Besides, I should take care of myself well, concern about my own health. At the very least, I have to motivate myself… which I have neglected and forgotten… so long…

     How long until the day of happiness… There are many struggles in life, and many obstacles, same as difficulties. Pressure, and workloads, people and study, competitive world? or just our mind trapped us, put ourselves into this “competitive situation” ? I want to pick up some simple happiness, that I have forgotten, as simple as enjoy some tasty food, listen to music, and just chatting with people around, spend time with family, and to beloved, and to take up some simple exercise that soothe my body, my mind and soul…

I need to pick up myself, pick up the memories that I’ve forgotten. As if now I’m living in “sub consciousness”… It’s about time to wake up, and see this world with hopes, and anticipate the next morning to come, and make the great things. Passion, is the thing I always lose it. Wake up, is the thing I always try to tell myself.

     How long I have not looked at things around me… I almost forget about I own a blog, where I used to jot down my thoughts. I want to update, and refresh my life, instead of everyday living under the mist of misery, ended did nothing. I remembered my bicycle, that I used to ride, to school, to travel around, to eat “Tong Sui”. I think of my guitar sometimes, I wish I could strum, and I could pluck some nice music out of it. I think of all my belongings, I just want to polish them, upgrade and improve them, put them in place.

     How long I have not looked at myself… I should treat myself better. Let myself deserve some more relax time, empty my chaotic thoughts, and flashback. Treat myself with  consistent at least three meals (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) everyday. I have to let myself have enough sleep, and sleep at the right time, practice sleep early and wake up early. I would like to have some training for myself. I’m feeling myself low in stamina, and weak, I think I’m thin… I need to build up… Besides, I should take care of myself well, concern about my own health.

     How long until the day of happiness… There are many struggles in life, and many obstacles, same as difficulties. Pressure, and workloads, people and study, competitive world? or just our mind trapped us, put ourselves into this “competitive situation” ? I want to pick up some simple happiness, that I have forgotten, as simple as enjoy some tasty food, listen to music, and just chatting with people around, spend time with family, and to beloved, and to take up some simple exercise that soothe my body, my mind and soul…

I need to pick up myself, pick up the memories that I’ve forgotten. As if now I’m living in “sub consciousness”… It’s about time to wake up, and see this world with hopes, and anticipate the next morning to come, and make the great things. Passion, is the thing I always lose it. Wake up, is the thing I always try to tell myself.

location: old folks home at SS2 PJ
society: YOGA Club UTAR, time 1000 - 1200
date: 14 Feb 2009 ( Valentine's Day)

Thoughts: it's unknown that why those old folks are at the old folks home. I dare not to ask what had happened. There could be many reasons. Most of them, seems to have lost the ability to smile, some are sick, and have difficulties to walk. Some are lying on the bed due to sickness, and weakness. Only several of them would talk and communicate well. Looks like most of their faces are frown, and looks sad.

     We're there to try to cheer them up with singings and telling jokes, as well as to communicate with them. I find myself difficult to start a conversation with the old people. Some of them are looking around with a expressionless face. Still... I try...

     We met an Indian lady that used to be a babysitter in the past, she didn't expect that she would end up there. From the conversation, we get to know that she just transffered here for a month ago. She has a more cheerful personality compare to others. Due to the difficulties of walking, she didn't come down the stairs to the outdoor table (where we gather), she stayed in her room. Hence, before we left we sang a song, "beautiful day" for her. After all, I wish her health and happy all the time.

     The whole visit ended around 12 something, concluded with group photo sessions. I felt that after seeing them, the most important message in life is, nothing is more important than HEALTH, besides, I would like to wish everyone, healthy and happy always.

For the past two days, since the beginning into Chinese New Year 2009, this year as usual, rather bored too. It isn't some kind of exciting Chinese New Year anyway. Lol. However, thanks that we could have the day peacefully, and nicely.

   TV and Radios are broadcasting Chinese New Year Songs, Movies, and many New Year Celebration Programs, turning them on easily makes the environment seems to be a little bustle, and creating some "NEW YEAR" atmosphere. =)

   Guess I should buckle up this year, and make some changes. Gotta really read the book, "Simplify Life", and apply the concept less is more.

   Finally, I have compeleted a working version of pendrive cleaning utility. That could clean up our pendrive virus. Thought of sharing with everybody. Due to the fact that everybody's pendrive, could easily infected with virus, and most are with virus, why not we have something that could easily remove the virus? I have written this, - "Pendrive utility" and keep it at www.divineforge.co.cc =) Initially, it was nothing much, but thought of writing this piece of utility to help my gf, and my mum, for them to easily clean up their pendrive from virus, than using those time-consuming anti-virus scanning to find the virus.

   Afterall, Happy Chinese 牛（niu = new) Year! May this OX year, brings us a energetic and prosperous YEAR 2009! Hurray! and Cheers! Besides, this Picture is nice! From Google: (Next time Gotta grab it fast before it's gone)

Few years back ago, it was the day when I've started my blog.

Today, I'm here to say a prayer, taught by my uncle.

愿一切众生，远离所有怨恨；脱离内心的痛苦；脱离身体的痛苦；
每天幸福，安稳，快乐。

*Wish everyone, free of hatred, free of inner pain, free for body pain;  feeling fulfilled,  secured, happy.

Happy Chinese New Year. =)

This is the Third day into year 2009. Lots of thoughts, and confusions, it’s overloading, and overwhelming my mind. Hence, finally I got to settle this down, by writing out what are these. Which are important, which are unrealistic fears, and which are the things that are haunting my mind, and making it in chaos. It turns out that nothing much important. Something that’s so small, could actually seems totally filled up my mind, and as if something that’s so big, and so difficult to settle. In fact, in reality, it isn’t that difficulty. We need to keep things organized, and planned. After all, we would find it simpler than we thought.

Guess I would give a try on several new things this year. Hmm some of my plan will dwelling deeper into Ubuntu Linux, and explore more on newer softwares, this including the newly upgraded Microsoft Office 2007. Looks like it’s about time to have a switch from Microsoft Office 2003.

Besides, learning something extra if possible. Feels like time is precious. I’m just getting 1 year older every year. Hopefully this would be another fruitful year. :)

I would anticipate some achievement and fixes this year. Some old habits, should have got a remedy. Seems like this isn’t easy. Most of the time, can be easily affected by moods, and emotion. Think again, even if I manage to avoid internal emotion. Little I can do about external influence. Whatever, gotta plan for it.

It’s time to apply Learn from the past, focus on the present, plan for the future, and live with a purpose. :)

May this a prosperous year. (“,)

2008, is a leap year. Also the year for the famous Olympic Beijing 2008, for China. 366 Days, a day longer than previous year.

• This year, I got the set of PDI shirt, and Jeans, chosen by dear dear, in the beginning of Jan. Mum has bought us a pair of shirts too, while the visit to KL around June.
• In term of Computing Knowledge, throughout the year, I have gain more experiences, and more exposure to computing knowledge, finally gets a touch on Java programming, and have a try of its GUI programming.
• My First Master Grade Destiny Gundam purchased, until the end of year, it is still stay inside the box. :P
• This year valentine, I received special card from my darling Mooi Lan, :) it's sweet, the dining experience at Delifrance was great :D Though that time, Nandos, at next door in Mid Valley, has a candle light romantic atmosphere. Delifrance is less crowded.
• Together we bought our Sony MP3 Player, and registered our Touch'n'GO Card, that ease our travelling all time.
• On April's Fool, Dear dear is admitted to Hospital, that she will have her operation... Touching moments, the adorable "chattzai" with her all the time.
• We have our First Ice Skating Experience at Sunway Pyramid at the End of May. It was memorable that trying to teach her how to skate, and even we fell together on ice.
• Mooi Lan and I do our first photo printing, and purchase frame for it... Where the photo frame stays on my desk all the time. :)
• Together we register postpaid, and enjoy our free talk between supp. line and principal line hehe
• Had our first special experience for visiting the ever bigger PC Fair in KLCC in August for the first time, and second in December.
• Finally I got a classical guitar for dear dear... again, almost cry out.. :)
• It has been a year for Mooi Lan and I, together celebrate earlier and on the day at Sushi King for its bonanza dinner, RM2 per plate ... quite an experience. ;D
• Made My first ever special birthday card for my Darling Mooi Lan. The day, I went to her house, (no other guest, just simple birthday) opens the presents together, it's touching...
• Concluded my first internship at a computing Company, which was CSA, now known as CSC. Invest much on my laptop, just to extend its usability, and finally setup 3 OS on it :P
• Afterall, this year, We have done three trips, a special rural experience at Cameron Highland, then a wonderful time in Genting Highland, and a family trip to Langkawi Island.
• Glad that I could find a Casio Watch for myself eventually, and one special Casio Watch for Mooi Lan that concludes the year of 2008. It's memorable, and a big adventure for these 366 days.

***

Internship, Casio Watch, Destiny Gundam, Ebanking, Sony MP3 Player, Touch'n'GO, Mooilan admission to hospital pantai puteri, Sunway Pyramid Ice Skating, Digi Postpaid, My Bicycle, MPH warehouse sales, mooilan sihft house, Cameron ,Genting, laptop, PC fair, Valentine, One-Year annivery Sushi King Buzar, Guitar. for xiao boo boo. Casio Watch SHN, birthday card,

Signed, and concluded by cheongweelau...
Dedicated this to my beloved dear dear, Mooi Lan. Welcome you thought, muax. Love you.. :)

4 Nov
case #1:
Sigh, touchpad left-click on the keyboard part malfunction (the bottom buttons still work)... 

solution: A more sophisticated tweak with synaptic driver enable me to do advanced and quiet click with the touchpad. (Setting tapping area.. etc) hehe ^^

9 Nov
case #1:
My room needs a tidy up, toilet needs a clean up as suggested by mooi lan.

solution: start the work and without a delay... hoola.. all done. Things are tidy up, and the toilet walls are cleaner, as the stains are washed away.. =) cheers

case #2:
my laptop dell latitude c400, the mouse drifting issue. It's because of the trackpoint. Have long thinking of to cut the wire. Eventhough running Synaptic mouse driver to disable trackpoint, sometimes, when the trackpoint problem short-circuited, the mouse pointer movement stutters. (not smooth)

solution: Finally, cut the trackpoint wire, (after reading the forum) solve the mouse drifting problem once for all. =) Although, it takes up some courage, and I was a bit afraid of causing the keyboard to malfunction.. But afraid of losing, means would never gain a thing. :P We must overcome it (as read in Rich Dad & Poor Dad book).

case #3:
connection is unstable... with 3G, how to do messaging effectively?

solution: Miranda IM saves the day. As GPRS are stable, but difficult to connect to messenger service, hence thought of to review miranda. (tooks me quite some time to customize it until it works well for me, and suite my taste =) ) As miranda is a lightweight, and fast, simple, support multi-protocol IM... with a simple text-like interface.... it is becoming my favourite. Hehe. Sometimes, when I revisit something that we have abandoned at the first time, we actually find it is useful and convincing.... ie, things that I have picked up again, after giving up = firefox, miranda,... etc :P

case #4:
so many things to do... needs to keep track of all effectively..

solution: make a planner with microsoft excel. I think I need to further enhance it to help me do planning... read more books does help in thinking.. makes life more organized, when we planned and consistently analyse, think, and evaluate... most of all, plan it. If we failed to plan, we are planned to fail... Go on, make life better with a plan~!

“ 满纸荒唐言， 一把辛酸泪。都云作者痴，谁解其中味。”   

                                                              -曹雪芹 《红楼梦》

上面两句。。。 与下文没有直接关系，只为楔子。。。

红楼梦，一部古典名著，生活的写照。封建社会大家庭的兴衰。

     Nowadays, our life is almost academic result oriented. Getting a job,  selecting a good University, choosing a reputable school... Nothing isn't about competition. Meanwhile, we're forgetting others which are more important than academic result. What competition is about? Being on top? Doing things better than the rest? Basically, is it the joy and happiness that would only last for a very short while... we're seeking for? In short, aren't we indirectly being taught to keep competing... to seek for the short lived sense of success and glory?

     Enjoy the every bit of the process is more practical and meaningful. Having a good attitude in life worth more than a good academic result. Instead, being kind, helpful, and generous... have all those I forgot, and I was blindly pursue brilliant result? Have I lost sight of the importance of attitude towards life?

     Most of days living up to now, being in school... at home, and then maybe supermarket with family during weekend. Apart from being with computer, how much time have I spent with outside world? Personally I think I'm a very boring person, with a boring a simple life... compare to people that are adventurous, going trip, having sports outdoor, on the field, and travels around. Does that suffice to describe myself, 少年老成 ? Occasionally leading a loosely disciplined life... a "sleepy" life... with laziness... Actually I should really look at life optimistically... reviving some passions in life, get something to do as long as could burn up the passion. A life without regrets is considered a successful life then.

     Looks like until now...  I'm not really good in understanding myself, and expressing myself. Words and things I speak... Is quite mindless. Due to my brain is in a sleepy state ? Or ... half awake...? Or perhaps degrading. :S *Yawn...* wake up early in the morning today... now getting sleepy... zzz... meditate... and introspect more... might help maybe... but a good sleep should come first...~

2008 mod 4 = 0, so next year is a Leap Year, with 366 days, A 'rare' Day-29 falls in February. Making it special would be wonderful. :)

Last day of 2007, Dec 31- starts with McD Big Breakfast delivered to home ;)      

(for the first time hehe.. McD breakfast at home) :D

     Year 2007, it has been a struggling year, evolve, and change, like a pupa... undergone internal conflicts, confusions, and new exploration, new perspectives, and new experience. Hmmm, I never heard of New Year's Resolution (this 'term' in english)  until I went into ACS, well this is my second NEW YEAR resolution then?... yea, sounds fresh and new still :)

A leap year Resolution list :       (Hmmm)

• A better insight into myself...
• A better Social life,  happy family reunion, an intimate love relationship...
• Greater knowledge, better language skill, improved communication and expression
• A passion life - better life management... etc
• Do well in studies... need to revise my study attitude
• Making something special, creative? Learn to make income?
• Improved in everything, quality of life,
• Improved Guitar Skill, music...
• More training... ummm (toughen in mind and physical)
• Roll-Skating? Swimming... and many more...

In the stage that I'm struggling for my future... "fed up", when there is a passion to go for something, and when there is a difficulty bumped right on you, prevent you from going for that something...

Living alone in one single room... really wonder... what my life would be? If forever just myself, alone facing four sided walls. The only source I could relay on is my pathetic mobile connection to bring outside world to me,. In fact, it is an unreliable one. Having a hard time surfing and turning on messenger currently... Which I don't feel like I'm having connection... Instead, the concept of getting an internet access is like paying quite an amount of money, but sharing a little internet connection from the "big network pool". Which often I don't feel like I'm having "My Own Internet Connection". It is sad to hear, invested much for such pathetic connection...

Often many times I stray from my main objective, which my goal suppose to study hard, and achieve in academic performance. I admitted that I lose my vision and my will fades sometimes, and then burn up my passion again, whenever almost to fall... ups and downs... hey, I'm suppose to make myself consistent in my study attitude right? Smart will not contribute much in success. Instead, it is a matter of  whether effort was poured into it. Needless to say, I'm a very lazy guy isn't it? I'm only thinking of eat, sleep, and enjoy, tends to prefer easy life, easy things.

Recently... I've enjoyed taking photos... hmm sometimes feel that as if my skill in photo shooting has improved a lot... much higher chance of capturing beautiful moments in life... ^^

On the other hand, I'm trapped in a small small world, because I didn't put in any effort in my studies!!! Whoa... wake up wake up! ! ! Why will I astray from my main objective? Easily get distracted... hmmm day dreamer... disappointed. I really wish that I could enjoy and in the meanwhile, learn a lot thing... and the answer that come to me.... is to do it "ENTHUSIASTICALLY!" Since then, I feel that playing games has become something so meaningless... yea... playing games.. is just about alone... facing something AI, interactive thing, but not lively one~ I would prefer to have my beloved one being with me... isn't that much better?

"A man is only great when he acts from his passion" - Benjamin Franklin.

I don't want to be isolated and struggle alone in this cruel world, which hard for me to see bright future... I want to see BRIGHTNESS in future and I'm moving towards it, pouring my effort in it, and chasing it with my passion. Yet, I don't want to see the beautiful world, with just myself alone... It is boring, if without sharing... I want to go far far and explore and see many beautiful things... of course, not just myself alone, at least I wish I could have someone to share with. :)

Lose attention... dreaming.. distract... oops... "slept" - whoa! Wake up ~ dash, ~speeding!... chasing! passion!... then...... slowly... zzZ... and *Yawn* hehe... sleep.. rest.. and... *DING!*~ idea >>> BURN up passion~ fly fly fly! ... :S

fantastic? idealistic? dreamy~ passion, as long as there is passion for everything... feels the passion!

Living isn't just about a single organism matter. Each of us are related to each other in a way. However, most of us are taught to focus on ourselves, thus... unfortunately, it becomes a habit, maybe most likely to be called as "behaviour" ? "attitude" ? : Selfishness. We would think ourselves before thinking on other. That's how our world has been.

Some of our habit, the way we react to something, and our mindset, makes what we're today. In the meantime, perhaps we have done something that might have hurt other people, accidentally, which we may not know. As long as emotion exists, we become sensitive. In most situation, our feeling often given priority then, to find out why and what actually something is. Perhaps, many harms were done before we get to calm down ourselves and back to rational again.

There isn't considered a fundamental way to solve everything? Problem is something abstract, which we could hardly see, or grab it. It can just fade away like dust, wind.... or it may stay, becoming serious due to our emotion. More misunderstanding... more problems were held in between...

Communication? Isn't something that's enough. Sometimes, we need to believe and to trust. It needs at least both parties. Firstly, think of it as something dependant, like two "things" actually lean on each other to stand firm... How just ONE side stands still if without the other side ? It requires at least both side to believe each other, thus communication can be effective... Walking hand in hand, step by step isn't easy if just keep on expecting assurance and reliance... the willingness to give... and to accept, then that's the key ...

love, is actually build on faith...