Rosetta Stone ; noun[sing.] something, especially a discovery, that helps people to understand or find an explanation for a mystery or area of knowledge that not much was known about…           [Oxford Advanced Learner Dictionary]

     Wow… come across this word in the book Idiot’s Complete Guide to music theory. Well, it has been some time, if my blog is like a garden to me, it might have grown some weeds. Guess cleaning up from time to time, refreshing it… it’s good isn’t it? Hehe. It was after finishing the 51 episodes of “Kamen Rider Agito”, which the main character Shouichi had a small garden next to the house, growing vegetables.. and use them for cooking dishes; “Farming a little garden” it sounds inspiring to me.

     Recently seems like my brain and body undergone some evolutions?, previously there is a little unease, heat, hot inside, is it fatigue? Then now, bit better, seems like open up some discovery and sudden understanding of many things.

     Somehow the interest to further advanced my music knowledge comes back. This time, I wish I could learn deeper into music theory and better skill of applying it on musical instrument.. yea, guitar. :) Besides, at the moment of 3 months “holiday”, I’m having the current on-going final year project, which currently working on Matlab… Sometimes, I’m amazed that within the short 1 – 2 weeks, gain a considerably amount of understanding into using Matlab. It’s really how amazing that if all the neuron in the brain just suddenly get connected together, and expanding the link… hmm~ still only happened once enough understanding into applying “patience, persistence, focus, and attention…”

     While darling Mooi Lan has gone to China trip along with her mum, These days, it has been lonely, and quiet… After all, I just to get that, after a period of sinking in the valley of life, I want to wake up once again to learn something, and find back the passion in life… Most importantly, our body have to agree with our lifestyle, which is, our mind have to ask our body, is it feeling well today? And our action have to ensure it… Health, it’s getting vital…

The two things above doesn’t share any similarity, nor having anything in common. :) Purely I’m saving time, to have a 2 in 1 post this time. I’m planning to do instant blogging just like instant noodle. It means I’m planning to blog a quick post range around 200 words.

   Recently, in my hometown Ipoh, there are development near the Kinta River. A project that is planned to bring back the dying city to its once glorious heyday, where Kinta area is famous of mining tin. Hence there are lots of projects to turn the areas around Kinta River to be a famous tourist spot. From the plan, food stalls are first to launch along the river. (based on the miniature landscape model that I saw in the exhibition room). Last Friday, 9 Jan, mum suggest that we have an earlier birthday dinner for my dad at Moonriver. Which was just newly launch. It’s just located near my former Poi Lam School. Where my mum working as a teacher there.

   The Place, Moonriver (the place name), at the river side, seems nicely developed. Having a little menus available, the food quite okay, expensive tough. Well, anyway, just didn’t thought that Ipoh would have some changes too… after such a long silence.

   Disflatyl, so finally, I buy some today. As feeling I’m feeling not comfortable with my stomach, having some “wind” (angin) inside, chewing the tablet seem to ease the symptom. Hmm.

   Anyway, today is the FIRST DAY of YEAR 2 Semester 2, about time to get busy, and bustle again!

Gradually, it has come to the 9th day, so far, I’m still a little lost on planning this whole new year. Sometimes, it seems like there are information over floods my mind, but when I’m to write out, and seek out what are they, it seems blank and nothing. So I could conclude most of unrealistic fears, and unrealistic worries. It’s much better as it was said, to focus on the present. :)

• about OS, and computing as well as other areas?
• new year resolutions, events, and plan
• so far, recently…

   Sometimes, I feel like my life seems much attached to computing stuff. There are quote saying that you will become what you learn eventually. This seems true. I’m taking computer science, and I’m dealing more in computing stuff. All kinds of odds in computing, I’m dealing with it, and I’m trying to find a fix. Look like I’m interested too. However, looks like other area of interest such as Art, and Music, I wish I could devote some time and master it as well, but then a question come to me, of things that I learn, are these applicable and practical? Ubuntu OS seems difficult to me. Feels like it has quite some weird problem such as graphic, image display problem for my installation. The Vista on my desktop, turns out that sound driver not working. Due to the fact that its manufacturer has no plan for the 64bit driver development for all the PCI sound card model. Hmm, still I’m planning to find out more on gOS, and Apple Macintosh, OS X.

   This new year, I shall plan, and to max it out. Hopefully I could refine the rough edges of my thinking. Think before I speak and act, and make sure it’s practical, efficient, and proper. Besides, there are some habits I think I gotta change too. Habits affect life seriously after all. It’s like the “setting” in computing, which the “host” which automatically reacts to outer influence based on the settings.

   So, recently, I’ve swum twice, with my bro and my dear Mooi Lan. With recently I just scanned the swimming guidebook (which was a very old photostated copy) into computer. I guess it’s good to plan that this year, to master swimming. :) Oh yea, my brother said to me that, besides strengthen physical, we should have strengthen our soul too. Yea~! Strengthen both mentally, and physically. Without a tough soul, we’re vulnerable to outer influence, emotions, and setbacks. Without a tough body, we’re vulnerable to disease, illness, and works. Hence it’s both IMPORTANT~!

The day is so hot, yesterday stayed until 4 am in the morning, slept at 8 something up at 10/11 something... felt like I'm toxicated. Diarrhea, stomach unease... living in vain and pain, struggling... simply I'm energiless and void.

   A series of assignments, test and study pressure is driving me lost. I wish my place is more quiet, but now is just fan (usb fan + stand fan) noises. These make me want to escape and regain some concentration. So far... one way of escape i found: if I dimmed our room light, and face our computer, with music on (relaxing music e.g. Kenny-G instrumental plays)... isn't that is kind best healing method for a shattered, aimless soul like me now? :)

   The whole week, (today is Friday) are just unproductive, and inefficient days. I feel like want to let go a "sigh"~ Unknown reason why I'm tired, and lazy, is the weather to be blame? (hot and dry)... nope or whether is it again... I'm losing the passion? (Want to shout out loud, the loneliness is unbearable). Where, I found my state now in a state of confusion, I play no games, watched no movies (yea, but it is very little), or probably I'm lack of some entertainments? ( I wonder what are my entertainment in life? )... umm sometimes, yea like... dear dear's smile?...yea, smile :) Still beyond all that, I think my problem is that I don't have something I want to do at the moment.

   Some people they play games, some people they work for money, some people they play music, some people enjoy sports... umm what's mine at the moment? Is that I have too much option until I'm lost in the midst... Oh... poor me... I think, I should get something to attract my attention, probably musics... yes music, it was from my dear... that influences me to get myself close to music... (though not about playing music, but listen to music)... listen to music is a great pleasure...

   Besides, probably I should do more reading, and yea maths, programming, thinking... guess that would fill up my emptiness... and when it is a boring day, go out and have a look of the world~! BOO~ CHIAK~ ~~~!! (Life becomes interesting when we found just something to do.... hehe)

my stomach is empty... in an agony, it's burning inside...

my purse is empty...  (but I still have some coins, and a RM 10 backup I kept in my room)...

All my food supplies run out... no more biscuits kept in the biscuit tin. Probably one or two pieces which fell on the floor get dirty and dusty, rest inside the dustbin in my room.

Forget to refill water today... now three empty 5.5 l plastic bottle, plus my one of my usual 2 l drinking bottle as well as another one empty 800ml light-weight drinking bottle that I normal use for travelling... oh yea.. left one another unused 1.5 l plastic bottle not counted... so my room is just about empty bottle... I got to rely on tap water supply... tonight.

... struggles... suffering while trying to sleep... gotta wait until the sunrise... for the next day.. wish I still have enough energy... to refill everything... Now struggles...

Today... it seems "busy" downstairs... I wake up at 11 something... after some dreadful "awake-sleep-awake" state... finally ended my struggle to get myself up in the hot boring day..

     Facing four sided wall room with a small windows, actually outside is also wall... (facing into the house)... today is particularly hot, makes me no mood for anything... Reluctantly I went out... and walk to the restaurant behind to have my "brunch" and refilled bottle from the water vending machine.

     My house is particularly empty and hot today... My landlord went out... I guessed to the hospital, to visit her wife. Both of them are in the 80s... Probably their children came this morning. The door and window in the living room, are closed... Feels like the hot air trapped in the house... suffocating... uhh :(

     The whole afternoon... I felt like I'm imprisoned in my room... I have no mood of doing anything... I could barely stay infront of my computer. Nothing captures my attention. It seems that "heat" is the culprit that causes tireness, and moodiness. I tried to have afternoon nap... but ended up painfully, lots "afternoon-mares" can't sleep properly. Wake up drenched in sweat... really suffering... feels like trapped in my own room. Then I realize... " life without anything to do, is much painful than life having something to do... "

     Actually, life is about taking initiative to go for something, waiting for everything to come, it is just pain & misery. Happiness come from initiative in life. :) ... that's why I thought of...

     The evening, I ride to Millennium Court, to have dinner with my dear dear. It took about 8+ minutes to go, and 12+ minutes on the way back, there are traffic lights, and slopes... It isn't that easy as I thought, of cycling around... But slowly it will build up some thigh muscles... hehe. As for information, just from the outside section 17 bus stop, walk up to my house (there are slopes) it takes up 8+ minutes also... :S Probably more bicycle riding coming soon...    

     As the night falls, the atmosphere becomes cooler..., my room fan, after I clean up the fan blade (which was full of dust), now it is much windy... hehehe. Actually feeling much better now. Uncle (my landlord) back home at night time... saying that auntie is getting better... and talk about a few things...

     Anyway... just a day of extreme emptiness... Sometimes just can't imagine... will my life that miserable? Lonely? Trapped in a room, four sides of wall, hot... and heat... that's crazy... I can't stand life without anything to do, without any aim... living at one corner of the world, feeling apart... is totally suffering... >.<

This is the first week get back to UTAR Petaling Jaya for my Second Year first semester computer science course. My last semester GPA drop a little, having 3.35 as compare to previous first semester was 3.53 ... hence currently having CGPA 3.44... This new semester, I feel like wanna brush up everything, put more effort into studies, and hopefully... learn more things, to widen my knowledge, and skills hehe. :D

     Few days ago after a thunder storm rain (during my sem break at hometown), my laptop USB port suddenly went malfunction... (powered) but can't detect anythings... It cripples the laptop a little, which it is an old model actually, but still usable, and the operating system environment is just nice and new, equiped with a lot latest updated softwares. With the one and only USB port available for this DELL C400 laptop malfunctioned... It would rely on using the USB 2.0 Card on PCMCIA card expansion slot to run any USB pendrive etc . However, most of the time, it is in a struggle, as the PCMCIA expansion slot is used mostly for the 3G Novatel Datacard for internet connection... :S Luckily though the USB port is still powered, at least could run my laptop cooling pad... and any simple device like usb fan...

     I had a read on the "Manga for Dummies" recently due to interest in art and drawing might as well I'm curious in how to improve drawing. Learning the way of "drawing" facial, character from the book. Amazingly... it is really helpful. At least I'm able to grasp some new ideas quickly, and techniques to enhance my artistic skill. On that day, I gave a try to draw a portrait based on my dear dear's photo... Hehe, and I successfully done my very first portrait drawing, which I'm so satisfied with it. Well, it is a great improvement for my drawing... hopefully in coming future... would have some more time to discover and horn my skill on water painting and music as well...... hehe...

“采菊东篱下，悠然见南山。。。” 悠闲的日子并不长久。。。

随着日子一天一天过去，自己也一天一天的长大。。。 如今早上起床都不像以往小时抱着那种兴奋的心情去开始每一天。小时候，每逢周日，尽管带着惺忪的眼睛，还会一早爬起床，就为了看周日早上的电视娱乐节目。长大了。。。 自然慢慢失去了对于这世界的新鲜感。重复性的生活方式，日子变得单调。复杂的人际关系，重功名利的社会上，生活变得懊恼。高不成，低不就的，一事无成，我就只有想要逃避。莫名的空虚与无限的寂寞感。。。脑海中，我一直反复地问自己，生活为了些什么呢？何时是为了自己的方向而前进？似乎我已经失去了方向感。

     求学时期，读书为了考取好成绩，为了考试，为了更好的将来；我并没有认真做到那时该做的。现在大学里，读书，研究。。。 为了获取更多的知识，我却不时想要研究课外的东西。。。该做的，没有认真完成。到头来，一场空。将来，也会不会是因为生活，而工作？。另一方面， 想想看，如果没有了这一种“生活的要求”或“自己的需要”，是不是就等于没有了目标？抑或我们生在这世上，就是为了盲目地完成某人要我们达成的目标？就像当学生时，读，作，写，算，就是为了完成老师给的功课？这一切当中都一一包含着人的本性之一。。。 “懒惰”，这是一个千古大祸害。我就觉得自己是懒惰之辈。

     有些时候，虽然有一个目标要去达成，但是不知道自己为什么总会变得怠慢， 懒散。然后慢慢的被其他有趣的东西吸引，变得不专心。真正要做的东西，因为怠慢，要达成的目标也变得遥可不及。。。因此自然的形成了一股强大的压力。。。压力来了，情绪化了，就越来越力不从心的感觉。当然所该做的东西就吊儿郎当，马马虎虎地带过了。

     回想一下。。。 是不是因为心里太多的杂念？常常异想天开？心不在焉？ 该做的没有认真去做。。。 怠慢，疏忽，不积极。。。造成的？偶尔情绪化的时候，往往就是那一时的情绪。。。捣毁一切。最终而变得堕落。事情做不好，自然也变得消极起来。

     人非圣贤。。。有时往往面对着生活时，就是存着一种莫名的无奈 。。。 

I dont' really receive gift for every of my birthday. Physical item may not really that important to me... But if I learnt to be a better person each time when I grow a bit older... It is precious and I'm grateful.

Ever heard that... if a=1, b=2, c=3... and so on z = 26... if sum up the value from "Attitude"... it is 100~! I got to read it from forwarded email... As time goes by, 20 years after... in my life, now only I have learnt to be more rational, and the attitude, does matter a lot in life. Whether, determine to fail, or to succeed in one thing.

     20 years ago, I'm self-center, I see my past, I'm a bad person with some lousy attitude, in my past. As the time spent along with my girl girl... I move into a whole new stage of my life. Through all the happenings, and event... I see how I should change from my past. Simply... learn to be mature in sense of thinking, and emotion handling. Viewing life in a different perspective, where with a positive attitude, seriously, and carefully.

     My my... little innocent face... always warm up my heart. Whenever, tension eventually breaks into emotions... disrupted into confusions... After tears, and cries... so...? Makes me realize, I still want to take good care of my little innocent... ~ ahhh..... boo~ boo~ boo~ CHIAK~ ? :)

     Probably, it isn't too late to understand more about life at this stage. I'm grateful eventually after 20 years... I begin to see how important that attitude is... Though recently just a lot of examinations.... and somehow, I felt like I'm getting to acknowledge the importance of attitude... Ehhh...... boo~ chiak... sayang sayang my little innocent... one, muax...

listening to Ai Fm at frequency 89.3 Mhz with my Sony Mp3... - radio channel, the song currently playing ... somewhere over the rainbow...

weelau, I'm ... where to find? I'm felt like I'm have gone from one place to another place... looks like I don't really have a way going back. All these time, I dealt much with my pride, put it down, and gather myself again, and facing the real situation. Still I felt like I'm an EMO-kid? I find I have been troubled much by my own emotional feeling.

     In this very night, cheongweelau++,  =) it was... my age++ just 40minutes ago. And for that I just done my programming on stack, queue, - postfix expression calculation... I felt like I have been troubled by programming. Not because I dunno how... It is because I know how, and I felt like I've never felt happy of it. Getting tension, and pressured sometimes. More to say, programming vs... PR... Perhaps it is my attitude problem? I do really find wherever I do with programming, I bring myself into emotional trouble... likely, quarrel with my gf... I'm getting blurred with the root of problem.... but I just felt like because I know how to code.... and so luckily.... how to code.... each time... and that always set me into a disadvantage situation.... though I could do well in programming studies, but in return, it "returns" .... negative feedback to me...

     Now... I'm 20... really wish I'm grown to be more wise... and rational than emotional. Sometimes, there is always a fight, a wars in my heart, struggling of being myself, and to free myself from my duties. I realize I 'm like a pessimist. Though, these days, I have much struggle with my own pride, and learn to let go of the stupid emotional heart... I DON'T WANT my emotion to dominate my soul..~! NO...

     Memory ... is like a pointer in term of programming. A pointer holds the address, the access to a greater "thing"... when the pointer is corrupted, and lost... so were the memories... For things... where I left off badly... I'm deeply sorry... All I can do is keep going... and hopefully weaving a better future...

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY,  weelau~!...

~ 20 years of existence in this very world...

if apology meant to speak out, each time after a harm was made. It would be better if said, and next time harm won't be repeated again. If  harm was still repeated, the apology today has any difference?

SHOUT WITHIN MY HEART, AS IF SHOUTING TO MYSELF...

A "SORRY" immediately after hurting somebody has any effect?

What are things supposed to be done? IF a mistake was realized, it suppose to have a change in attitude isn't it? If U had realized something,  U've to be sure u had REALLY realize something... not just simply assumption.

SOMETIMES AREN'T WE TOO LATE TO REALIZE? UNTIL EVERYTHING HAS GONE.. AND RUINED....

after so much FIGHT, SHOUT, DESTRUCTION!!!!!!!!!! until WE LOST ALL OUR ENERGY, UNTIL WE COLLAPSE...... then.... only we found the lil peace in our hand, that we had destroyed... and the answer~ "regrets" nothing else......

How MUCH PRICE? WE HAVE PAID?   for the destruction?    AT THE cost of? HOW TO REPAIR?

Perhaps WHOever that incite the war, NOBODY WRONG, just we're all in different angle, different position, seeing the matter from different perspective, and we've our role and duty to be fulfilled....

or maybe THERE DO Have A BODY is WRONG, and ANOTHER/ OTHER TRYING TO FIX or cHANGE by FORCE....... but eventually WAR... HARD on HARD..

DO WE HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS DESTROYED THEN ONLY REALIZE ? wut is wrong and right?

Perhaps..... disaster and the ruin after war.. is meants for new life to thrive... hopefully...... by understanding.... and realization... of mistakes... turns over a new leaf... and carry on a new life...

STILL WE SHOULD HEAL, REBUILD, REPAIR, & REVIVE everythings that are dying, damaged, broken.... and ruined; Heal... HEAL EVERYTHING IN RETURN AT ALL COST~

In time to go, if the peace are not maintain, the UNDERSTANDING, that once realized, was forgotten... history are bound to repeat itself...

it would only appear once every four years. the day-29 in FEB. It is special an additional in the year. Perhaps not many aware this year is a leap year? :D

     Quite a long long time I didn't really visit my blog... feels like I have almost forsaken my blog. Ever since having a gf d... life never be any simpler. Yet it is adding excitement and new things to my life everday. From arguments to tears, and happy time.... especially dinning time, just a lot of things to go through. The recent heavy loads of work.... almost make me difficult to breathe.

    Well...... guess wut? I'm blogging here.... at the time just one hours plus into this very rare date. Had a dinner with my dear at Kim Gary.... hmm just wonder... is Hong Kong Style food so nice? Well yea.... recently seems more and more Hong Kong Style restaurant selling "Hong Kong Style" food ... perhaps they do around some time already, and I'm approaching this kind of food :D Indeed the foods are nice and scrumptious.

     As programming studies going in depth to algorithm parts...... wow things are like cracking head... and I'm starting to use the library resources now. Hehe... I might get addicted to study and reading very soon. Now I'm going to unlock my ability to study thing properly and broadly. I do admit I have never seriously look into studies all these while since my kindergarten time... Perhaps it is a good start now.

     I sincerely hope... just everything could be improved. As time goes by, and the technology advancement in IT area, I have loaded up a load new stuff in my laptop... though, (still the same thing to say) my laptop is just a 866Mhz Pentium III model, I'm proud of it, as being a customized, "PERSONAL" and creative, yet innovative laptop. Switch into new environment of computing surely makes life interesting bit more. from Avant Browser migrates into "Mozilla Firefox", from Windows Media Player to WinAmp, Notepad to Notepad++ etc.... hehe..... afterall I just wish one thing, improvement in real life. Life, and harmonic of life.... apart from technological stuff.

     All the best... to myself, go on steadily and consistently, more hard work, more creativity! Dream and make it~ :)

confined myself in a small room, with a small window, look out, see nothing, but walls again. It is a room inside a house, with a window facing into the house. Couldn't feel the sunlight comes in. As if I'm living in dark. Perhaps the only virtual window that bring outside world to me, is my laptop screen, "Windows" named XP.

     Since when I've become so unsocialable? I used to think that if I'm in love, my emptiness would be filled up. I used to be lonely, and feeling empty... feeling apart from the society, confined in my very little world. Now I'm in love. I'm not feeling empty... However, I felt I'm still cut off from the society. I rarely communicate with other people. People are like stranger to me. I dunno how to approach people and make friend. I'm refraining myself, and meanwhile, envy seeing people around chit chatting... and talking in a group.

     I'm being egoism? I'm arrogant... I'm cold... I'm just dunno how to make friend? Argh all kind of thoughts inside my mind. Should I tell out my confusion? My biggest confusion is... I dunno how to behave myself. My life seems to have lost balance, between family, love and social. I need a help. But what should I do?

     Confusion... can be wiped out easily! ... like wake up early in the morning. Doing something special to myself, morning breakfast.. exercise etc... A BREAKTHROUGH from the dull routine. There are time where I will have to go on my own also... dun worry my dear. I'll be fine. I dun wan to make argument... because I dun see a real problem... it is like a temporary confusion... I'm stucked in...

     Jailed in life.. As if...... whenever I lost my sight of outside world... and living in dark.... where long time haven't seen the sunlight. * when I'm lost.... I tend to write; When I write, I write out the thing I wasn't aware, and thus get motivated... by myself..... funny... weird... unexplained. >.<